“Make sure to rest when the baby rests. Don’t hold your baby all the time. Stop snapping at everyone. You look so tired, you should take a break. How’s the baby? How’s your partner? You look great seeing that you just had a baby.” That one is my favorite. Honestly, what the hell? How about we not comment on how a new mom looks? Rarely, and mean rarely is the first question in conversation, “How are you doing? How can I support you?” Bring a meal, send a text letting someone know that you are thinking of them, because here is the thing, the Fourth Trimester is hard. I remember thinking that I made a mistake. I couldn’t do it. I had never been so tired in my entire life. I also felt like I was mourning my old life. Now hold on before you come for me. Yes a child is a blessing, and yes I LOVE MY CHILDREN. That being said, I spent so much time getting ready for this baby, and once he was here, I felt a little lost.
There is no shortage of people who will give you advice. Total strangers still feel compelled to make comments, and most are not so helpful. But, some will change your life. With my first child, I had to run out to Target, but here’s the thing. When you have a brand new baby, you really don’t just run anywhere. I was filled with anxiety, my son screamed in his car seat the whole way there. I realized once I got there I had no idea how to set the carrier in the cart, and I was exhausted. As I made my way to the baby aisle, I all of sudden realized I had no idea why I was even at Target. I could not remember what I so urgently needed. As Oliver cried in the cart, and I stared blankly in the baby aisle, a woman said to me “It get’s easier. I promise. You are doing a great job.” She then asked me what I was looking for. I had no idea. I told her that I couldn’t remember. She then said, “that happened to me all the time, and when I got here and couldn’t remember, I just grab diapers, because I will always use those.” As I stood crying with a total stranger at Target, I felt seen, not alone, and that I had hope that I COULD indeed get through all of it. A short exchange that lasted maybe three minutes had the power to change my perspective. That encounter has stayed with me. There will be hard days, but there will also be days where you feel like you were born to raise this child. Those are the moments as you move through this journey that keep us grounded, and that allow us to keep going.
There are things that you can do that will help. Be patient, and I know that it is easier said than done when you are in the thick of it, but there is a lot going on, and it is hard. The single most important thing that you can do for yourself is take the help. When someone asks what you need, tell them. Most people genuinely want to help, and there is no shame in taking that help. Below are a couple more tips that can ease the transition, and know that it is a transition.
If you are struggling in any way shape or form, reach out. There are a lot of organizations that specialize in the fourth trimester and they are able to provide resources and referrals when needed. Postpartum Support International is amazing.
Breastfeeding support can be the best thing that will 100% change your journey if you need help. IBCLC’s ae extremely knowledgeable and are trained in all things human milk. Please don’t rely on the Facebook Mom Groups to point you in the right direction with this one. It is to important, and a lot of the advice is terrible. I love Bellflower Lactation and Oasis Lactation Services. They are the absolute best and offer in person as well as virtual appointments and accept some insurance. Make the call.
Let’s talk nutrition. I tend to love a meal delivery service in the first week post partum. One that comes prepared, full of nutrition, and tastes great. My go to is SAKARA. They have 2, 3, or 5 day meal plans, and while they are not the cheapest on the market, they are the best. I have done their meal plan programs several times and it is a great way to ensure that I am getting the nutrition that I need, and I love that I don’t have to think about it. It arrives to the door, and all three meals for each day are ready to go. It is worth every penny. They also have items like granola that I have on auto ship because it is just that good. Having meals like this that are nutrition focused make it easier for you to focus on baby, and healing. Use Code XOHOLLY for 20% off.
If you want to ensure that you have food ready to go, and meal delivery is not in budget,( I get it, while I would love to do it 5 days a week, I need to be fiscally responsible) there are some amazing websites that I love that make healthy meal prep a simple solution. Two of my favorites are AverieCooks and Downshiftology. If you have room in the freezer, start making things around 30 weeks and toss them in the freezer so that the stress of preparing food the day of is not something you need to worry about.
HIre a Postpartum doula. They are an amazing resource to get your through the first few weeks, and really make the transition process easier. You can find a postpartum doula by visiting Doula Match to find one in your area.
Please know that there are resources there to support you in this journey. You are no alone, although some days it may feel like this. Here is what you should know, this will be the hardest job that you have ever had. You will not get a yearly increase. You may not even get a thank you. You will however get paid in hugs and kisses most days. Some days you won’t get a shower, and some days you will miss your old life. I want to remind you that the hard days are temporary. They really are. There is no shame in asking for support, it is the best thing that you can do. I tell my clients that I will always tell them the truth, so that is my commitment to you as well. You can do this. We can do hard things, and I believe in you.
XOXO