We hear about self care all of the time. Get a massage. Spend time with friends. Take a long bath with a good book. Take some time for yourself. I will admit that when everyone started talking about the importance of self care, I did do a slight eye roll. Not because I felt it wasn’t important, but because it was something that I really couldn’t even comprehend, and a lot of this was wrapped up in my very limiting belief system. I am an achiever and have been ever since I was little. I thrived in environments where there was competition and knew exactly what I had to do. I said yes to everything. I was convinced that I had to do it all. In making everyone else happy, I was truly miserable. Exhausted. In my quest to everything perfectly, I was beginning to fall apart. I had to learn to say no. That one word changed my life. It’s honestly what allowed this photo you see of me on this blog post to be possible. My family took the most amazing trip where we visited the Badland’s, Yellowstone, and Glacier National Park. Without some no’s, this trip would not have been possible.
I want to take a minute to talk about what this means to me. It really consists of one word. NO. As I have gotten older, I have gotten really good at saying no. Let me break it down for you. I honestly don’t do anything that I don’t want to do. Now, I’m not talking about feeding the kids, taking the dog out, things that need to get done in order for my house to function, however I am not the only one that does these things. Not anymore. I learned that delegating, asking for help, and giving other people things to do works really well, and not only in the moment, but everyone is a little happier. Sure in the moment, my 16 year old son complains briefly about having to take our dog outside, but he does it. I have learned that just because I am not the one doing it all does not mean that I am not the perfect wife, mother, or business owner It just means that I have gotten smart about my time, and EVERYONE CONTRIBUTES.
So let’s talk about saying no. Here is an example. If I get invited to a small gathering, and I would rather sit at home and read a book. I read the book. If I am making my schedule for clients and decide that in a certain month I am not going to take more than two clients, that is the number that I stick to. Oh, and another thing, I don’t feel bad about it. When I tell you that I don’t do anything that I don’t want to do, I mean it. Now, I am not rude in declining invitations, I simply thank people for the invitation, and let them know that I am not able to make it. I don’t say no, and then defend that decision. EVER. See, I don’t need to defend the answer. I just don’t. I also don’t need to make up a lie to make it seem as if I would come (insert best excuse here), I simply say thank you for thinking of me, I am not able to make it and move on. Another little reminder for you. PEOPLE DON’T CARE. I was saying yes to all of the things because I did not want to hurt anyone’s feelings. What I realized is that people understand, and move on. My attendance is not going to make or break their event. It just isn’t..
I have become very selfish with my time. It is the one thing that you never get back. Think about that. Once you spend time doing something, you never get it back. Honestly, I am to old to waste time. I want to spend it with the people that I love the most, doing things that I love. That’s really all that it comes down to. Saying no should not be a negative thing, it should be considered self care in every way, shape and form. I have received offers of employment over the years which would require me to return to a corporate environment since becoming a doula that I have turned down. I would have made a lot more money, however I would also be traveling, taking a lot more time away from my family, and I am not willing to give up that time. It just isn’t worth it to me. Being a doula is one of the greatest joys that I have found professionally. I would never go back to a corporate environment. This work matters. It matters to the families that I serve, it matters to the community, and birthing people need support and education. There really isn’t anything better. I no longer worry about crazy, outlandish sales goals, an environment filled with so much pressure that I can’t sleep at night. I now worry about the families, their babies, and how can I make the best impact on my community by doing this work. That matters. That’s what is important to me. Do my families understand the physiology of birth? How can I impact a safe and healthy delivery for all of my clients.
Saying no has also allowed me to say yes to the things that I want to do. I will be going back to school at the end of August 2021. I will be starting a pre med program working towards becoming a Naturopathic Physician. I was a little worried that I was a to old to take this on. I will most likely complete this program as my oldest son is graduating from college. He is currently taking a year off to play JR hockey and has deferred his enrollment at the University of MN until 2022. We will have a grad celebration together is my hope. My saying no to other things is allowing me to say yes to this. Take it from someone who said yes for too long, saying no will serve you better, I promise.
XOXO-Holly