They say that you get 18 summers with your kids. Let me tell you a little something. They go really fast until one day you wake up and realize that you’re down to your last one. Trust me, feel free to insert eye roll or tell yourself “yeah, yeah, I get it. I’ve hear it a million times.” I was that girl too. See, when you are in thick of it , it does seem to go pretty slow especially when you bring that new baby home. Life get’s really busy pretty quick. Most days you will wonder how you will do it. I’m here to tell you that you CAN and WILL do it. I’m also here to remind you to think about what is best for YOUR family.
I’m sure that as soon you announced your pregnancy everyone had an opinion. Total strangers feel the need to give much unsolicited advice and often times it is terrible and incorrect. People also love to share their birth stories and they are often riddled with scary details and how you better make sure that a laundry list of things are in place. Let me be one of the first ones to tell you that you don’t need to listen, if fact it’s ok to ask people to refrain from sharing them. You are pregnant with this baby one time. ONE TIME. It will be the first of many “one” times you get. You are entitled to enjoy it how and when you want to without someone else’s experience shoved down your throat.
I recently attended my first child’s senior hockey banquet during a pandemic. Socially distanced with a mask in a responsible setting, but let me tell you one thing. Not one person was thinking or discussing the advice, or lack of advice they had gotten. You know what was discussed the most? The firsts. Stay with me. For example, I was flooded with all of the first times that we experienced with Oliver. The first time he put on those hockey skates at the pond league that we signed him up for having no idea what this would turn into. The first time he could actually stop on those skates without crashing into something first. His first team of kids that turned into lifelong friends. His first coach that I didn’t like. His first tryout. His first goal. But, as I stood there so very proud it also forced me to think about the lasts.
Being a parent is like being told you have walk around this earth with your heart outside of your body. There are so many things that I have done WITH Oliver and BECAUSE of him. I sat at that banquet and really it was almost as if his entire childhood flashed before me. Then I remembered. This is the last of the 18 summers. Then I felt as if my heart was being torn off my body. I know he needs to live his life. To be the man that he needs to become. To experience life beyond the confines of his parents, coaches and the many others that have impacted his life in the best possible way. It hasn’t always been rainbows, and there were and will continue to be hard times, but now when he gets in his car he’ll be gone for much longer amounts of time. I feel a little like I am scrambling. Like I can’t breathe. Because while he experienced all the firsts, he made me a mom for the first time. One of the biggest firsts of my lifetime is because of him and when I think about that I am reminded that with all the firsts, I need to prepare for the lasts.
This IS his last summer with all of us. I booked a family vacation that he is less than thrilled with, but he’s going. At first I was hyper-focused on making it perfect. Now…..we will all be together, doing all the things that we love, and as I have always done, I will document it with my camera. I’m so excited for him, but if I’m honest, a little sad for me. A couple nights ago he came to me and as we were talking about the decisions that he needs to make in the next couple of weeks, he looked me dead in the eye and asked “What if I’m not ready?” He needs to decide between one of the three University’s that he applied to or heading to Canada to play Jr. Hockey. He asked me to decide for him. No. I will not make that decision. I’m here to guide him, not decide his future for him. My response was that he needs to do what makes his heart happy. Over the years I’ve learned that THIS leads to a happy family. It may be the wrong decision, but we will all be here if he falls AND for when he gets back up.
So. Take it all in. ALL OF IT. I will be preparing for our trip out west and I can’t wait. I know that I have a lot more firsts coming my way with him, and we will navigate the way we always have. We will listen to our hearts. We will lead with kindness and compassion. We will celebrate the wins, and dust off after the losses. I will relish this last summer as I prepare to be without him, and he prepares to be on his own. I will miss the chaos of having a kitchen that never closes, three boys arguing, loud music, ice baths and late night conversations. I still have two more summers with my middle boy, and 15 summers with my youngest. This will be my last with Oliver. So when the days seem long, you ‘re exhausted and can’t really see next week let alone 18 summers. Go slow. You are doing it. It will be amazing.