I want to talk about something that I feel is so important. I’m sure that you have noticed that once you announced your pregnancy, everyone had advice, and certainly an opinion. When I think back to some of the things that were said to me, I still am in disbelief. It seems as if once you are pregnant everyone is an expert, and sometimes the most shocking part of it all is the fact that most of the advice is riddled with terrible suggestions, based on inaccurate information and a lot of time comes from a place of fear mongering. Here’s the thing. Birth is hard. Plain and simple. That does not mean that you can’t do it. That does not mean that the experiences of others will be yours. I believe that people need to go into the experience with their eyes wide open, and I know that people need to have more education on what their body can and will do. It isn’t to often that people are telling you all the things that went perfectly or how easy it was. They are often times trying to heal their experiences, and you are entitled to have your own experience.
How do you that? Let me break it down for you.
Protect your space. It is perfectly acceptable to NOT engage or listen to other people’s birth story. Simply let them know that you would love to hear the details of their story, after you have had your baby. Let them know that you are trying to have your own experience, and you would love for them to share their experience AFTER you have birthed your own baby. You don’t have to be rude. It’s amazing what you can say as long as you are smiling.
Get a doula. Even if it is not me. Get one. Doula’s are the eyes and ears of your birth space. Studies show that when someone is in active labor, their area of focus is inches from their face. We are listening to everything. We are seeing everything. We know when you birth partner needs to eat, and when you need to hydrate. We are familiar with positions to put you in to help you move through labor. We are able to explain things so that they make sense and you will never be alone. We are able to provide childbirth education, help you plan, and we know what to expect. What to help you ask. Support you in any way that we can.
Childbirth education is one of the most valuable things that you can do. I have found that most people are not as familiar with their body as they think. There is a certain amount of anatomy, physiology, overall bodily autonomy that comes with the birth experience. It’s helpful to have evidence based information so that you are able to make the best decisions for your family. It is important to have a general understanding of how birth works so that you know what your body is capable of. When you are armed with that information, everything seems a little easier.
Know when to say NO. You are growing a human. Enough said.
If you intend on breastfeeding, take a class. It is so helpful. It really can make all the difference. Everyone’s breastfeeding journey looks different. It takes a little getting used to, but so does most everything. Don’t wait to ask for support. You do not need to suffer through it. There are so many resources out there to support your family, and your doula is typically well connected and can point you in the direction of an IBCLC (International Board Certified Lactation Consultant) should you need one.
Spend some planning for the post partum period. We spend so much time preparing for baby, that often times we forget about ourselves. Take time to think about roles within the family unit and who does what. It can make all the difference. When people arrive home after having their baby I always tell them, “10 days in the bed, 10 days on the bed, and 10 days near the bed.” I know the thought of that can make some people roll their eyes. I am telling you, put yourself, and your new family first. Things can wait. You’ll thank me later for that one.
Just remember. This is your birth. Your experience. Your partner will likely have a different experience than you. That’s ok. You both are experiencing a life changing event. Let it be your experience. Don’t let other people put their expectations or their birth experience on you. You are entitled to have it be your own. Just remember. You can do this. You are strong, and you have been preparing for this moment. Let it be yours.