When I think about all things baby, I am often left wondering why we spend so much time preparing for baby and pregnancy, labor and delivery, and we often forget about what happens when you bring your baby home. Not a lot of people talk about what really happens, how we feel, or what reality looks like. Once you get home, I’m going to be honest. Reality sets in. Whether this is your first baby, or your third. Things look different, and it is critical that people start to talk about it. There are long nights, breastfeeding, visitors, and TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF. Read that last part again. You need to take care of yourself, so that you are able to take care of that sweet baby. Below are things that I wish I knew when I brought my kids home, and things I discuss with all my clients so they feel prepared, and feel less overwhelm.
Get the Book The First Forty Days! It has amazing recipes for healing and I’m telling you, you won’t be able to put it down. Read it before baby comes. It will serve you well. In almost every single culture but ours, they really honor the postpartum period. A lot of other cultures lead the postpartum time with this concept. 10 days in the bed, 10 days on the bed, 10 days near the bed. I want people to understand that after you have a baby, there is an open wound the size of a paper plate. That is where your placenta attached. If you were walking around with that wound outside of the body, people would want you to rest and recover, but because we can’t see that it’s easy to forget how important healing time is. I am going to give you permission right now. You don’t have to go to Target. Send someone else. You don’t have to entertain people who come to see your baby. They can get their own water. You don’t have to LEAVE YOUR HOUSE. Spend time getting to know your baby with all the cuddles. Eat, Sleep, Rest and repeat.
Arrange your home to be convenient. I will tell you a little story. When I brought my first baby home, everything was perfect, or so I thought in my head. Nursery was perfect, house was so clean, everything was organized. It was organized like a museum, rather than a home that was about to have a very sore mom and new baby. I had a level four episiotomy, and a baby that ended up in the NICU. The main floor did not have a rest room. There was one upstairs, and one in our finished basement. I had over a hundred stiches and could hardly take two steps, let alone go up and down to change diapers. It was literal hell on earth. It wasn’t until my step mother came to visit that she set up little stations all over the house so everything was arranged on what worked for me and baby. A nursing station in the living room, a changing station in the dining room, our sunroom became his nursery. My home had been arranged in perfection for guests, not a mother who could barely walk or a baby that spent time in the NICU. Arrange things for convenience. You’ll thank me later, I promise!
Meal Plan. Get an instant Pot. Pre make food so that meals are the absolute last thing on your mind. Sign up for a meal plan service. I love SAKARA, Hello Fresh, and look locally. If you are in Minneapolis or surrounding areas, Hola Postpartum is amazing! Have a friend or family member set up a meal train. If you don’t, two thing will happen. One, you will eat non stop take out which gets expensive, and won’t promote nearly enough of the nutrients that you need for healing, or two, you will skip meals altogether. Neither of these options are great.
Use your resources. Listen to your body and mind. There are so many professionals that aid in the postpartum time. Pelvic Floor Specialists. Post Partum Therapists. Post Partum Doulas. IBCLC’s (International Board Certified Lactation Counselor). These people are specifically trained to aid in your postpartum journey. There are there so that you are not sitting up late at night feeling like you have no support. This is hard. I will be honest with you. This is one of hardest times that you will face, and I am here to tell you. YOU CAN DO IT. There will long nights, there will be tears, but you are strong, so there is no doubt in mind that you can do this! Reach out to people that can help you. Sometimes the advice from your family members is riddled in judgement, you just don’t need that.
Talk to your partner about who does what. Laundry. Cooking, Shopping. How will things look different in the immediate postpartum time, and go forward? Who will do what? If you have a plan go forward, there will be less arguing. I have seen this work. It’s ok that roles switch for a while. No one says that if they roll one way, that they can’t go back, although I will tell you, sometimes they don’t . You have added a whole person to the mix. You will find your new normal. Things level out. It get’s easier. Allow yourself grace and patience. The parenthood journey is one of the most amazing things you will do.
Schedule time with your partner. Schedule time for each of you to do things that you love. This is one of the most critical things that I can encourage you to do. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO IGNORE THE THINGS YOU LOVE. You just have to make time to do them. Even if it is for 30 minutes. My husband loves to run errands. Alone. He loves it. That is something that I understand and appreciate, and honestly the Target runs get done. I hate to do them. I love to spend time hiking. It’s my thing. We each understand that having this time to ourselves helps the family function happily. Maybe it’s meeting friends to play cards , or you want to get a manicure with your sister. DO THESE THINGS!
I tried to do all the things. The only thing that really ended up happening is I was exhausted, crabby, and felt like I was never going to heal or catch up. Sometimes I just needed someone to give me permission to just rest with baby. So, if you are someone like me who needs permission, YOU HAVE PERMISSION to not do all the things, and to relax, heal, and hug that baby.