Setting Post-Partum Expectations

We need to prepare for post-partum as much as we prepare for birth. We need our support system to show up. We need to be having hard conversations with each other, and friends and family. We need to be planning for what we are going to need, and I am here to tell you, it is a lot more than just picking out the crib and stroller. I always tell my clients…..I will always tell you the truth, and here is the truth. Where do I see a great opportunity? Not just in bringing home your first baby, but baby number two. There is more to think of, and more to be ready for. Let’s talk about how we can be ready, and I’m gonna keep it real. I don’t want people to go into the romanticized idea of coming home. I want you to be prepared for the reality of coming home, and it can be hard. Have conversations about sleep, meals, and how your people can help you. How can you alternate making sure that you each are getting some sleep? Nothing causes more issues with your ability to regulate the nervous system and heal than lack of sleep, not to mention the ability to think clearly. Sleep is so important!

There is a lot to think about, but if we are prepared, we will be able to enjoy this time and feel supported. You need to be able to heal, love on your baby, and sometimes assimilate another child to this new world, and planning will make it better. One of the first things that I recommend is having a conversation with your partner about what the roles in the house are going to look like. The laundry, meal prep, errands, and everything else it takes to make your household run smoothly isn’t going to stop, so having conversations about these things will save endless tears, I promise.

Meal prep is a game changer, and not just when you first get home. If you are going to breastfeed and heal from birth, nutrition is a critical piece of this puzzle. You are not going to feel like preparing meals, but you are going to need meals so anything you can do to prepare for this is going to help. I always recommend people to have an instant pot. Now, don’t roll your eyes. That’s exactly what I did when my mother told me that I needed one. I ignored her advice on this for months, that is until she showed up at my house with a roast and her instant pot. This seven-pound roast with vegetables was ready in 50 minutes! You read that right, 50 minutes! A healthy meal that is packed full of nutrients only took that long. Steel-cut oats take two minutes to make, add some fruit, and nuts and you are able to start the day with the nutrition that you need to heal and take care of your baby. It is a game changer, and if you don’t have one, consider getting one. I have some sessions available at a discounted price for a 90-minute meal and nutrition consultation. We will cover how to meal prep, recipe planning, and how to make the most nutrient-dense breastmilk you can. Schedule that here.

One of the best things that you can do is have conversations with friends and or family about how they can help. People can’t come over if they aren’t going to help. Period. Don’t entertain your people. In order to visit, they need to prepare food, fold some laundry, and most importantly, listen. My favorite kind of visit is when they stop by, leave goodies at the door, and text a sweet message. Don’t be afraid to let people know how to support you, or what you need. These are your people. They love and adore you. You should be able to count on them. Gone are the days when the birthing person entertains the people who come to visit. It’s not helpful to anyone, and you don’t need any more work. My experience has taught me that people really do want to help, and if you let them know what you need, they will deliver.

Your goals upon returning home with your sweet, sweet baby need to be focused on you and your humans in your home. Be intentional in your conversations. Discuss meals, sleep, a break ( maybe you need to run to target because you want to, not becuase you have to), what can they do so that you can spend time with your baby and heal. This is a really precious time, and I want you to look back and realize that you came through the other side with amazing memories, a full heart and a lot of support. Support that you thought through, made known, and that your people delivered. There will be hard days, but there will also be days when you amaze yourself at your strength, at your ability, and you will look to the future and know that you can do it. I know that sometimes it seems impossible to imagine, but take it from me. My oldest is headed to college, and he was a NICU baby. It was hard. Despite all of that, I still look at him with amazement and think back to the endless days and nights in that NICU where everything was uncertain and I had no idea what to expect, and my people showed up in more ways than one. As he towers over me about to start the next phase of his life, I see that tiny baby sometimes, and you know what I think? I did it. I made it through all of that, but I didn’t just make it through, I loved a lot of it. I find myself still needing my people to show up, because I now know that raising these tiny humans is the greatest acheivment of my lifetime, and I look forward to watching, cheering, and supporting their next steps because I know what is possible.

XOXO-Holly

Six things I wish I knew about the Postpartum Period......

When I think about all things baby, I am often left wondering why we spend so much time preparing for baby and pregnancy, labor and delivery, and we often forget about what happens when you bring your baby home. Not a lot of people talk about what really happens, how we feel, or what reality looks like. Once you get home, I’m going to be honest. Reality sets in. Whether this is your first baby, or your third. Things look different, and it is critical that people start to talk about it. There are long nights, breastfeeding, visitors, and TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF. Read that last part again. You need to take care of yourself, so that you are able to take care of that sweet baby. Below are things that I wish I knew when I brought my kids home, and things I discuss with all my clients so they feel prepared, and feel less overwhelm.

1. Get the Book The First Forty Days! It has amazing recipes for healing and I’m telling you, you won’t be able to put it down. Read it before baby comes. It will serve you well. In almost every single culture but ours, they really honor the postpartum period. A lot of other cultures lead the postpartum time with this concept. 10 days in the bed, 10 days on the bed, 10 days near the bed. I want people to understand that after you have a baby, there is an open wound the size of a paper plate. That is where your placenta attached. If you were walking around with that wound outside of the body, people would want you to rest and recover, but because we can’t see that it’s easy to forget how important healing time is. I am going to give you permission right now. You don’t have to go to Target. Send someone else. You don’t have to entertain people who come to see your baby. They can get their own water. You don’t have to LEAVE YOUR HOUSE. Spend time getting to know your baby with all the cuddles. Eat, Sleep, Rest and repeat.

2. Arrange your home to be convenient. I will tell you a little story. When I brought my first baby home, everything was perfect, or so I thought in my head. Nursery was perfect, house was so clean, everything was organized. It was organized like a museum, rather than a home that was about to have a very sore mom and new baby. I had a level four episiotomy, and a baby that ended up in the NICU. The main floor did not have a rest room. There was one upstairs, and one in our finished basement. I had over a hundred stiches and could hardly take two steps, let alone go up and down to change diapers. It was literal hell on earth. It wasn’t until my step mother came to visit that she set up little stations all over the house so everything was arranged on what worked for me and baby. A nursing station in the living room, a changing station in the dining room, our sunroom became his nursery. My home had been arranged in perfection for guests, not a mother who could barely walk or a baby that spent time in the NICU. Arrange things for convenience. You’ll thank me later, I promise!

3. Meal Plan. Get an instant Pot. Pre make food so that meals are the absolute last thing on your mind. Sign up for a meal plan service. I love SAKARA, Hello Fresh, and look locally. If you are in Minneapolis or surrounding areas, Hola Postpartum is amazing! Have a friend or family member set up a meal train. If you don’t, two thing will happen. One, you will eat non stop take out which gets expensive, and won’t promote nearly enough of the nutrients that you need for healing, or two, you will skip meals altogether. Neither of these options are great.

4. Use your resources. Listen to your body and mind. There are so many professionals that aid in the postpartum time. Pelvic Floor Specialists. Post Partum Therapists. Post Partum Doulas. IBCLC’s (International Board Certified Lactation Counselor). These people are specifically trained to aid in your postpartum journey. There are there so that you are not sitting up late at night feeling like you have no support. This is hard. I will be honest with you. This is one of hardest times that you will face, and I am here to tell you. YOU CAN DO IT. There will long nights, there will be tears, but you are strong, so there is no doubt in mind that you can do this! Reach out to people that can help you. Sometimes the advice from your family members is riddled in judgement, you just don’t need that.

5. Talk to your partner about who does what. Laundry. Cooking, Shopping. How will things look different in the immediate postpartum time, and go forward? Who will do what? If you have a plan go forward, there will be less arguing. I have seen this work. It’s ok that roles switch for a while. No one says that if they roll one way, that they can’t go back, although I will tell you, sometimes they don’t . You have added a whole person to the mix. You will find your new normal. Things level out. It get’s easier. Allow yourself grace and patience. The parenthood journey is one of the most amazing things you will do.

6. Schedule time with your partner. Schedule time for each of you to do things that you love. This is one of the most critical things that I can encourage you to do. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO IGNORE THE THINGS YOU LOVE. You just have to make time to do them. Even if it is for 30 minutes. My husband loves to run errands. Alone. He loves it. That is something that I understand and appreciate, and honestly the Target runs get done. I hate to do them. I love to spend time hiking. It’s my thing. We each understand that having this time to ourselves helps the family function happily. Maybe it’s meeting friends to play cards , or you want to get a manicure with your sister. DO THESE THINGS!

I tried to do all the things. The only thing that really ended up happening is I was exhausted, crabby, and felt like I was never going to heal or catch up. Sometimes I just needed someone to give me permission to just rest with baby. So, if you are someone like me who needs permission, YOU HAVE PERMISSION to not do all the things, and to relax, heal, and hug that baby.