Setting Post-Partum Expectations

We need to prepare for post-partum as much as we prepare for birth. We need our support system to show up. We need to be having hard conversations with each other, and friends and family. We need to be planning for what we are going to need, and I am here to tell you, it is a lot more than just picking out the crib and stroller. I always tell my clients…..I will always tell you the truth, and here is the truth. Where do I see a great opportunity? Not just in bringing home your first baby, but baby number two. There is more to think of, and more to be ready for. Let’s talk about how we can be ready, and I’m gonna keep it real. I don’t want people to go into the romanticized idea of coming home. I want you to be prepared for the reality of coming home, and it can be hard. Have conversations about sleep, meals, and how your people can help you. How can you alternate making sure that you each are getting some sleep? Nothing causes more issues with your ability to regulate the nervous system and heal than lack of sleep, not to mention the ability to think clearly. Sleep is so important!

There is a lot to think about, but if we are prepared, we will be able to enjoy this time and feel supported. You need to be able to heal, love on your baby, and sometimes assimilate another child to this new world, and planning will make it better. One of the first things that I recommend is having a conversation with your partner about what the roles in the house are going to look like. The laundry, meal prep, errands, and everything else it takes to make your household run smoothly isn’t going to stop, so having conversations about these things will save endless tears, I promise.

Meal prep is a game changer, and not just when you first get home. If you are going to breastfeed and heal from birth, nutrition is a critical piece of this puzzle. You are not going to feel like preparing meals, but you are going to need meals so anything you can do to prepare for this is going to help. I always recommend people to have an instant pot. Now, don’t roll your eyes. That’s exactly what I did when my mother told me that I needed one. I ignored her advice on this for months, that is until she showed up at my house with a roast and her instant pot. This seven-pound roast with vegetables was ready in 50 minutes! You read that right, 50 minutes! A healthy meal that is packed full of nutrients only took that long. Steel-cut oats take two minutes to make, add some fruit, and nuts and you are able to start the day with the nutrition that you need to heal and take care of your baby. It is a game changer, and if you don’t have one, consider getting one. I have some sessions available at a discounted price for a 90-minute meal and nutrition consultation. We will cover how to meal prep, recipe planning, and how to make the most nutrient-dense breastmilk you can. Schedule that here.

One of the best things that you can do is have conversations with friends and or family about how they can help. People can’t come over if they aren’t going to help. Period. Don’t entertain your people. In order to visit, they need to prepare food, fold some laundry, and most importantly, listen. My favorite kind of visit is when they stop by, leave goodies at the door, and text a sweet message. Don’t be afraid to let people know how to support you, or what you need. These are your people. They love and adore you. You should be able to count on them. Gone are the days when the birthing person entertains the people who come to visit. It’s not helpful to anyone, and you don’t need any more work. My experience has taught me that people really do want to help, and if you let them know what you need, they will deliver.

Your goals upon returning home with your sweet, sweet baby need to be focused on you and your humans in your home. Be intentional in your conversations. Discuss meals, sleep, a break ( maybe you need to run to target because you want to, not becuase you have to), what can they do so that you can spend time with your baby and heal. This is a really precious time, and I want you to look back and realize that you came through the other side with amazing memories, a full heart and a lot of support. Support that you thought through, made known, and that your people delivered. There will be hard days, but there will also be days when you amaze yourself at your strength, at your ability, and you will look to the future and know that you can do it. I know that sometimes it seems impossible to imagine, but take it from me. My oldest is headed to college, and he was a NICU baby. It was hard. Despite all of that, I still look at him with amazement and think back to the endless days and nights in that NICU where everything was uncertain and I had no idea what to expect, and my people showed up in more ways than one. As he towers over me about to start the next phase of his life, I see that tiny baby sometimes, and you know what I think? I did it. I made it through all of that, but I didn’t just make it through, I loved a lot of it. I find myself still needing my people to show up, because I now know that raising these tiny humans is the greatest acheivment of my lifetime, and I look forward to watching, cheering, and supporting their next steps because I know what is possible.

XOXO-Holly

Birth Plan Does and Don'ts.......

Your birth plan is important, and here is why. It sets your intention and helps your birth team understand what your wishes are. Here is the other reason why it is important, it helps you and your partner become clear on what it is that you both want, and that matters. I think the best part of putting your birth plan together is the education you receive in the process. In spending the time to put it together, you have to do some research, and you become empowered with that knowledge. I need you to know. This DOES NOT need to be a thesis. It won’t get read. It just won’t. I have seen birth plans exceed ten pages, and while I think it is fantastic, you have done that for you, not your team. Not a single person at the hospital is going to spend time reading that. They will smile, and make some sort of off handed remark, and put it in your pile of papers. That will honestly be it. They will continue to ask all the questions despite all of your carefully crafted wishes which you have put in that birth plan. If you truly want an effective birth plan, short and sweet. That’s the ticket. Follow my steps below for an effective, but comprehensive planning system.

• Take a childbirth Education Class. Even if it is not mine. This will not be a waste of time. Doesn’t it sound much easier to get your hands on evidence based information rather than reading random articles, research studies, and bad advice, which by the way takes hours and hours. My classes can be found here. Rhonda Fellows offers birth classes which are fantastic as well. The more you understand what is going to happen, the better you are able to plan for it.

• Your birth plan should be no more than one page. Just like a resume. Any more than that and it won’t get read. I know that this is a labor of love for you, but you want to have the most clear and simple direction. You can fit a lot on a page, trust me.

• When working with my clients I use a plan that is one page, and has icons. Seriously. My 17 year old son can navigate this birth plan, and it has all the things on it. You want it to be super simple. You can schedule a planning session with me here. You can also search on Etsy or Pixabay for the icons that you would need, build it in Canva and craft one that way. Hospital staff love this way of doing a birth plan. It takes a few minutes to look at and they then it is placed on the white board in your room. That way when there is a staff change, or new member of your birth team, everyone is clear and everyone can see it. You are not having to answer a million questions that you have already answered.

• Use evidence based information. Always. Here area a few of my favorites. Evidence Based Birth. The Cochrane Review. ACOG.

• The most successful birth plans that I have seen have one thing in common. Flexibility. When we get to attached to our plan, things can get complicated quickly. Birth is fluid. Birth changes. Birth is unpredictable. EVERYONE involved wants one outcome. Safe Birthing Person. Safe Baby. Period. When things don’t go 100% to the plan, that is ok. Just know that if some things on the plan change, other things are honored.

Your birth plan is important. The ability to birth the way we want is important. Feeling heard is important. All of this impacts how we feel about birth. We can impact our birth best when we educate ourselves about the process, plan with flexibility, and put safety first. Ask questions, research, learn about your body. You can do this, and it will be amazing!